Trying Not To Feel The Shame

     This walk is not the easiest, being a christian is hard. I find in my walk there are three of the hardest things, Reading my bible, Praying and walking in my faith. This is my reality. I have great desires to read more, to pray more, and to live out my faith. It is just hard. I think what has impacted and shaped me in this way is not having a Godly man pursuing me. I feel all the great men of God are always too busy. I can tell you from my point of view that it is hard not having that. I go out talk to Godly men and learn amazing things! It is truly amazing, but at the end of the day i am left with how do i do these things that they tell me, how can i see them working in my life. It seems so easy to hear it, but it is another thing to do it. I don't want to rely on people, but rely on God. There is a point though where all i do is hear but i don't have anyone walk by my side to help me pick up the bible, help me in prayer or help me walk in faith. It really is hard for me to pick up my bible read it out loud and someone telling me to stop. It makes me feel ashamed of reading my bible. I know I should not feel that way, but I do. I want to be a Man of God, I look at men of the bible like David, how he was a man after Gods own heart. I would love to be that guy even though there is always mistakes. We learn from them don't we? I want to be a man who puts God before all other things, but to live that is really hard.