There is sooo much frustration inside of me right now! I am loud and vocal but
not to whats going on inside. I am getting so frustrated with myself not being able to feel
like I tell people whats going on in my life, my struggles, pains, and who I am. I try to be
as real as I can be! But I feel so defeated about so much right now. Homework,
relationships and this feeling of loneliness. Which has never really gone away. I know
this is a different type of blog tonight. But it is how I am currently feeling.
I often feel like I am in the background of the foreground. In a sense that I am
around people and I love it but sometimes I feel am I really here. Do they care. Sure
they do. But to be honest I have never felt like any one has gone out of there way to be
with me. I have always had to be that person. Thats what I mean. I am Constantly
praying to God. He is So good but I sometimes feel He is the only one who gets me.
Simple fact ones who know me. I am a happy person I truly am but I do have
moments of defeat. Where I am on my nee’s and cry out to God to comfort me. He does
but sometimes I don’t feel right right away. I now I should go to some one and tell them
whats going on but I dont know I have always held my self back because of insecurities.
I’m the listener I help others. I dont expect others to do the same for me. Thats how I
live. Its hard for me to accept others to help me. I cant remember a time where some
one just approached me and wanted to hang out with me. If some one can remind me I
dont want to offend any one. But it rarely happens I cant remember if it does.
This is my thoughts tonight. I am going through a struggle. I wish I could feel like
I could tell people how I am. How I truly am. God just reminded me it is the weak who
lead the strong. David. Why he was only a little Boy when he defeated Goliath. My
message to you if you feel like this your not a lone. I still have things to work on. I still
need to let go of these stupid insecurities. I know I put on this mask of I got it all
together. But do we really have it all together?
Lord, You are a mighty God. You are such a Loving God. You protect us you are
ever so present. Lord I pray that you will help me with these insecurities. And anyone
else who feels the way I do tonight. Lord will you Do Your work in my life and others.
You have taught me so much in this past month and a bit. I know you want to teach me
something through this tough time in my life. Lord just protect me and guide me in paths
of righteousness, lay me beside quite waters. So that I can hear your voice that can
calm the raging seas. Lord you are an amazing God. In you beautiful name, Amen
