On This Day

     One this day, Fathers day, A day that I forget quite often because I don't have a father. Usually for children of Divorce or never really knew their dads. This day is like any other day. Why? Because they have not had that father figure in their lives. 

     There is one thing though, In my heart, I long for a father figure in my life. A Godly man to take me under his wing. It has always be a desire of my heart. I believe that people with out fathers also feel this to some degree. As a Guy, I never really have figured out what it is like to be a man. I have been guessing all my life. 

       This also plays a part of how I live life. Without a family, I have been playing a life of guessing. I have been relying on God all my life. I feel Stunted in my growth as a man. Sometimes in life I don't know how to do basic things like: how to properly get a job, Show confidence, know how to truly love people. I have been doing the best and the examples of all that have been filled with disfunction and greif. 

     But you know what. I have had a father with me my whole life. He is My Heavenly Father. Who has looked out for me, Has loved me and has never failed me not once in my life. Sure life gets rough and I sometimes think what God is doing, But God is teaching me, bringing me through hard times, and teaching me more then I could ever know. I know God has a Family lined up for me, I know one day God will Give me my desire. If it is Here on earth or if it is in Heaven. For If He gives me it on earth, it still wont be easy, but it will still be perfect and if it is in heaven, I will be with my brothers and sisters, i will have a family i can be with then too.

      Right now As tears splash onto my keyboard, I just keep thinking: "I want a family to take me in and love me and accept me for who I am, Because being alone is hard." I think with the deepest hurts in ones life, thats where they are going to strive. I want to be a husband and a father one day. That is what i would love to do as a future ministry is help people in broken Family, Love them and bring them in. 

     That is my heart On this Fathers day. I Thank God for being my Father. I also want to say happy fathers day to Grandpa, Brad, and Richard. Who I think are the greatest fathers.

Trying Not To Feel The Shame

     This walk is not the easiest, being a christian is hard. I find in my walk there are three of the hardest things, Reading my bible, Praying and walking in my faith. This is my reality. I have great desires to read more, to pray more, and to live out my faith. It is just hard. I think what has impacted and shaped me in this way is not having a Godly man pursuing me. I feel all the great men of God are always too busy. I can tell you from my point of view that it is hard not having that. I go out talk to Godly men and learn amazing things! It is truly amazing, but at the end of the day i am left with how do i do these things that they tell me, how can i see them working in my life. It seems so easy to hear it, but it is another thing to do it. I don't want to rely on people, but rely on God. There is a point though where all i do is hear but i don't have anyone walk by my side to help me pick up the bible, help me in prayer or help me walk in faith. It really is hard for me to pick up my bible read it out loud and someone telling me to stop. It makes me feel ashamed of reading my bible. I know I should not feel that way, but I do. I want to be a Man of God, I look at men of the bible like David, how he was a man after Gods own heart. I would love to be that guy even though there is always mistakes. We learn from them don't we? I want to be a man who puts God before all other things, but to live that is really hard.

Silver In The Refiner

     It has been a LONG time since I posted something… Wow! Life since the summer, I should get you guys to catch up to what I have been up to!

     Well I am in my Second year of College now, I cant believe that when I really started my Blog was a year ago soon. HAPPY BLOGIRTHDAY! I am still with the most beautiful girl in the world and I love her very much. I am studying hard and doing way better then my first year in college! Believe me I really am! But what I really want to talk about isn't what has been going on in my life but what has been going on with my heart.

     I want to touch on a subject that is either obvious or that they don't even know it is a thing. My heart. Yes yes yes, I am human, right you know I have a physical heart even to the people who don't know who I am could guess I have a heart. The thing is the heart is a super fragile thing. The more and more it gets softened by God the more amazing things happen. I am finding that the more God softens my heart the more sensitive I am. It may seem it is a bad thing, Sometimes I am screaming out (Inside), “WHY?! I hate being this sensitive, God take this away! I don't want to be like this!” then I read the bible I listen to Mentors in my life, and the more it makes sense that yes, when you are more venerable with your life and with your heart, you ARE going to feel more pain and hardships. So read this: 

1“I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come,” says the Lord Almighty.

2 But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner’s fire or a launderer’s soap. 3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the Lord will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness, 4 and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the Lord, as in days gone by, as in former years. 

- Malachi 3:1-4

     Think about this for a second okay, You are a chunk of Silver vain. In this rock there is silver somewhere in it. So Jesus Takes you throws you in the fire to find the Silver. But to find that beauty in your life there is hard times that you have to endure of God taking your beautiful glow and then getting all your crap out. 

     Here is the full image, You are thrown in the fire where at first you are getting warm and you are getting to the point where you are glowing red and beautiful, then all of a sudden you start turning black you don't know where all of this black crust in coming from. Then you realize that all the ores and rocks are separating from the silver. So then it is painful work God takes all the black crust and rock off to make you beautiful again. You go through this process this refining process. You keep getting a beautiful glow and it is wonderful! Then all of the black crust and rock come up and happens over and over again. 

     Lets look at it in real life, The more God Breathes life and love into who you are the more your sin will be shown. Is it a bad thing? No, not at all! It is a beautiful thing God is doing in your life, no matter how much it hurt that the scrapping of sin is going off your heart. God is taking care of you. The more you accept his love the more your relationship with God grows the more your sin is revealed. It hurts! But there is something beautiful in your heart that God wants. 

     How do I see this in my life? I see it in my relationship with God and also with my Girlfriend. The more and more we pour love into each other, the more the crap comes up from the heart. Does that mean I am bad and I cant love her anymore? No, defiantly not. That means I want to love her more, because even though all of these things are surfacing between us the more it heals us and helps us get a better grasp of who we are. It is a painful process, but God has a plan to heal and save us from these hurts of our hearts. We walk with God and with each other. God is the Head of this relationship. When we start losing sight of that, thats when things go bad. Thats when we need God the most. 

Yes, my heart is fragile it is sensitive and easily hurt. Thats why when someone give you their heart it is important that you care for it. It can shatter easily and will. Thats why you need forgiveness, Love and patience. Help each other and Let God help mend hurts in the relationship. Because without God things will be breaking, shattering and go into utter chaos without Jesus in your life.

The Passion of Writing

Hey Everyone this is a Short Blurb to tell you all why i haven't written here for a quite a while. Right now i am Currently Starting a new Project, A book, I am writing a book about my life. the Truths and Honest parts of my life to help others see where God fits in even though you have done bad things.

My Vision for my book is to inspire and let God transform peoples hearts to see how God really loves us for who we are. God is the author of life and loves stores, and he uses story to make a huge impact in peoples lives. He is the greatest story teller in the history of.. well... Ever! Everybody loves story's if it is a moment you had with a friend a memory funny times with family fairy tales Novels. I believe God Created us to love stories to tell them and to preach them. It may not be the Primary function of why God created us but something he did put in us.

As i walk this Path with God and discovering about my past and about God, Prayer and encouragement would be great. especially at times when i would love to give up and stop writing. If you want to Help me with my Project, feel free to contact me or leave prayers or encouragement by my Gmail: John.kcyd@gmail.com.

Facebook and Twitter. OH MY!

Hey everyone this is not really a blog post but I am becoming more serious about this project of mine. as i will be trying to make videos. but right now i have Made a Twitter account for this Blog. So make sure to follow me at @CTHonesty . if you need a direct link Here it is https://twitter.com/CTHonesty
There is Also my Facebook Page www.facebook.com/ChangingThroughHonesty

Power, Wisdom and Courage

    So this is going to be a different blog post then usual. I want to touch up on three topics. Power, Wisdom and Courage. If you know your video games you would know I am talking about “The Legend of Zelda”. If your wondering why I am bring this up and it is weird for me to. Get use to it. I will probably be using the game to illustrate some Christian faith parallels. The Power wisdom and Courage for all of you who don’t know is the three pieces of the Triforce. (sorry if that does not explain much)
    I want to start with Power. When you think of power it is probably along the lines of: corruption, a ruler, or someone who potentially hurts others. If you see it for the better, you think more of the same as me. For Power should not be abused, if you have power over someone or something, do it in a loving way that you can respect them or it. God gives us people or things in this world that we could potentially have power over.
     I find that if your in a relationship, and you have power, and you try and control them and don't give them a choice, that is not good. Is there love in that? I know as humans we are selfish and we want things to go our way. We need to start and serve one another putting our selfs out of the way. In my relationship with my girl friend I never want to control her or assert power, but I find that if love and care is proportionate to a good power then good things will flow from it.
    Along side of that power, wisdom is good to have. Without wisdom, power can be corrupted. I find that wisdom is gained by experiencing things in your life or seeing how life is played out in ones close to you. Wisdom is gained by learning about things in life. For God has been doing so much in my life, I wouldn't say I am wise, I would say I am learning from life so I can gain a wisdom not for myself, but for others that they can learn. I love this verse because it speaks what it is about.
Job 12:12 (ESV) “ Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.”
Listening to ones older then you, you can learn a lot. One thing I have found out about myself is that when someone much older then I am, I want to listen to what they have to say. It excites me to know they have so much wisdom. Because I want to use it for the Glory of God.
    Finally Courage. I want to tell you that this one has always be tough for me. For all of my life I felt I never had it. I couldn't have it. I realize that I cant have courage on my own. It is God who gives it to me. I have found that ever since college that God has been showing me how to stand to be courageous. Just like Link I find he is a lot like me now. How when something is taken away he has something to fight for. In my case, I have something to fight for. God has been teaching me a lot with my friendship with my Girl Friend. That I have to love her and care for her. That if something is going on with her I will take up my master sword and fight along side her. That I cannot win the battle for her but God can use me to help her. He gives me the courage to do that.
    I find courage base should be love. Because without love of someone or something how are you going to have courage to fight for that. I encourage you to find someone to fight right beside with, it can be your friend or your special someone, Have courage for them when they are not feeling well. Be there beside them and care for them. Put yourself behind and care for them. I find that this is a great way to end this blog post with Mark 12:29-31.

29 Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'  31 The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

The Unshakable Foundation

Tonight as I was talking to my Best friend / Girlfriend. God spoke something to me. That right now what we are living is our foundation to our future. The fact is, We need Jesus to be our Cornerstone. Do you know why? Because without a Cornerstone our friendship will will  crumble and turn to dust. We would be hurt and would take a long time to repair that friendship.

With Jesus He hold to be a Firm Cornerstone, and a Great foundation to build on top of. A bible verse popped into my head Matthew 7:24-27: 

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

I read this and I see that the foundation on the Stone is not washed away. It is saved by Jesus. Our Rock. He will Help us through the storms we face. Be happy about that. No matter what problems we face, no matter if you are sick or healthy rich or poor. Jesus is going to help. He is going to love you. Thats why we build a foundation on rock. Thats why we need Jesus to be the center of all relationships. With your friends, family co-workers husbands, wife’s. We need to Build the foundations of those relationships on Christ so when hard times rock the relationship. We can fight through together and in tact. 

Jesus Died for us upon that cross for us! Look at the decipels. They were a chaotic bunch. Come on a Zealot and a Tax collector thats not a good mix. He took 12 guys who were messed up. He Loved them and cared for them and he taught them. Jesus was The base of there friendship. He loved them enough to die for them and for us. Look to Jesus make him the Cornerstone to your relationships and to your own life.